


ghost of a chance

by Anonymous



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley is a Little Shit, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-24 08:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19720252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Hey, man, you OK?” Shane asked worriedly.Ryan gave him a half-hearted smile.  “It’s our one demon episode of the season, I’m a little nervous,” he admitted after a moment.  “Especially since this location is supposed to be pretty active.”“One second of the spirit box and all the ghouls’ll be outta there,” Shane said with a grin, and then sobered when the poke at his ghost hunting techniques didn’t get a rise out of his friend.  “Are you really worried about this one?”Ryan shrugged a little.  “I brought holy water,” he replied, a non-answer that said plenty.  “So we’re all good if anything shows up.”“So where’s this place, anyway?” Shane asked.“It’s a bookshop in Soho,” Ryan replied.[Ryan and Shane investigate A. Z. Fell and Co.’s bookshop, and find a little more than they bargained for.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been poking around for something like this for a little while, but couldn't find the exact flavor of fic I was looking for..... so I wrote it myself ᕕ(ツ)ᕗ Create the fic you want to see in the world, I suppose.
> 
> On anon because I'm mildly embarrassed and haven't written anything like this before.
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Crowley, my dear,” Aziraphale said one evening a few months after the Apocawasn’t.

Crowley glanced up from where he was looking through the angel’s collection of cassettes, trying to figure out if there was anything he’d like.He’d developed the habit of borrowing tapes and keeping them in his car for thirteen days and twenty three hours, to play when all the Queen got to be just a little _too_ much.[1]“Hm?” Crowley said, pocketing a jazz cassette for the drive home.“What is it, angel?”

Aziraphale fiddled with a pile of books, looking unusually anxious.“Might I be able to stay at yours one night next week?” he asked, and then looked away.

Crowley squinted, not that it was particularly effective behind his dark glasses.[2]“You mean at my _flat?”_ Crowley asked, strolling over and leaning against the desk at the front, eyeing Aziraphale.“I suppose, so long as you don’t spoil my plants.But why ever would you want to?I didn’t think you much liked my place, seeing as we almost always drink here.”

Aziraphale cleared his throat.“It seems, having been here for so long, that my store has developed a little bit of a _reputation_ ,” he said delicately.“I got a call from an American company called Buzzfeed[3] a few months ago about having a few of their people come and visit.The young man on the telephone said they have a television show about ghosts, and they think my shop is haunted enough to want to look.”

Crowley laughed.“Ghosts?” he repeated.“Seriously?”

“Perhaps because the building is a bit older?” Aziraphale offered.

Crowley raised an eyebrow.“Angel, Americans think that anything from before 1800 is absolutely prehistoric.”

Aziraphale shrugged helplessly.“The young man I spoke to was so enthusiastic about it, I just couldn’t… so I gave them permission to come and film here.They won’t see anything haunted, of course, but…”He shrugged again, and then busied himself tidying another stack of books that was already neatly stacked.

“And then you forgot about it,” Crowley guessed, his mind already ticking into high gear.[4]

“Well, with the end of the world, and everything after, I had a bit more than usual on my plate,” Aziraphale said a little waspishly, and then sighed.“The whole situation is a little ridiculous,” he admitted.

Crowley snorted at that.“Ghosts,” he repeated again, a touch mockingly, and then nodded.“Yeah, of course you can stay at mine, but I’ll be coming by to meet these Americans who think _ghouls_ are real.”He nodded to himself, and then waved the cassette tape at Aziraphale.“I’m borrowing this,” he said.“I’ll see you tomorrow, angel.”

Aziraphale gave him a small, fond smile.“Lunch,” he agreed, waving a little until Crowley was out the door.

* * *

“Oh, boy, it’s great to be back in London,” Shane said, lacing his fingers behind his head and leaning back in his seat.There wasn’t really enough room in the back of their rental to stretch out his legs the way he wanted, but he gave it a valiant effort anyway.

At his side, Ryan fidgeted with the on/off button of his phone.“Yeah, it’s nice,” he agreed, but his words sounded absent.

Shane gave him a second look, taking note of his wide eyes and nervous twitching.“Hey, man, you OK?” Shane asked worriedly.

Ryan gave him a half-hearted smile.“It’s our one demon episode of the season, I’m a little nervous,” he admitted after a moment.“Especially since this location is supposed to be pretty active.”

“One second of the spirit box and all the ghouls’ll be outta there,” Shane said with a grin, and then sobered when the poke at his ghost hunting techniques didn’t get a rise out of his friend.“Are you really worried about this one?”

Ryan shrugged a little.“I brought holy water,” he replied, a non-answer that said plenty.“So we’re all good if anything shows up.”

Shane pressed his lips together, and tried to figure out a way to distract Ryan from freaking out too badly before they even got on location.Their audience found that kind of reaction entertaining, sure, but Shane very much did not want his friend to have a heart attack or something.“So where’s this place, anyway?” he asked, taking his glasses off and cleaning one of the lenses on the edge of his shirt.

“It’s a bookshop in Soho,” Ryan replied.“I’ll give you the spiel when we’re filming, but a lot of the history is actually pretty interesting.”

“Oh yeah?” Shane said with a smile.

“We’re about here, guys,” Devon said from the front seat just as they pulled up to the curb and parked.

“The boys are here!” Shane exclaimed as he got out of the car, leaving the door open for Ryan to clamber out after him.Mark opened the back of the car, and then the four of them began unpacking equipment, mostly ignoring the curious stares of the Londoners walking by.

As they worked, an old-fashioned car pulled up to the curb in front of the bookshop just next to them, parking in a way Shane was certain was illegal.The purr of the car’s engine shut off and a moment later a man got out, slamming the driver’s door shut before leaning against the car and crossing his arms over his chest.He was dressed in tight, dark jeans and a dark jacket, and if it weren’t for the tinted sunglasses Shane would have been sure that he was staring at their crew.

Shane grabbed the last bag out of the trunk and slung it over his shoulder before turning to the man (who was definitely, absolutely staring at them, and also smirking).“Sorry, can we help you with something?” he said, perhaps a little more confrontationally than he needed to.Ryan glanced up at him, but didn’t intervene.

“Nah,” the man said, unmoving.

Ryan and Shane glanced at each other.Ryan shrugged, and then grabbed his own bags.Mark locked the car and then they all made their way up the two short steps to the bookshop.Out of the corner of his eye, Shane saw the man push away from his car and follow them, just a few steps behind.

Ryan opened the door to the bookshop and stepped inside, Shane at his heels.“Mr. Fell?” Ryan called a little tentatively, and Shane took just a moment to look around.

The shop was absolutely stuffed to the gills with books of all kind— and they all looked old and rare— but there was a nice space in the center of the room where he and Ryan would be able to film their intro.Half hidden behind a shelf was a little desk, where a man was sitting and reading a newspaper.He looked up as they entered and smiled, closing his paper and getting to his feet.

“Hello,” he said, stepping forward and taking off his reading glasses, folding them and tucking them in the pocket of his jacket.Despite the fact that he must have been about fifty or sixty at the oldest, he was dressed rather old-fashioned— complete with a waistcoat, pocket watch, and bowtie.Shane raised an eyebrow.

Ryan stepped forward, putting out his hand.“I’m Ryan Bergara,” he said with a smile.“Thanks a lot for letting us film in your shop.”

“Azira Fell,” the man replied (or, at least, that was what Shane assumed he said).“I don’t think you’ll find anything spooky here, but you’re welcome to try, I suppose.”

Ryan shook his hand, still smiling, and then glanced at Shane.Shane stuck out his hand as well.“Hi, I’m Shane Madej,” he said in a friendly voice.“I agree, we’re probably not going to find anything.”Ryan sighed deeply.

Mr. Fell blinked, clearly a little surprised, but all he said was, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Madej, Mr. Bergara.”

From the back of their group someone cleared their throat, and then the man in black from outside slipped past Devon to get further into the shop.“Hey, angel,” he said, tucking his hands into his pockets, and Mr. Fell’s face positively lit up.

“Crowley!” he exclaimed, and then gave Ryan and Shane a worried look.“I hope you haven’t been harassing the guests.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow, sliding over and leaning against the desk.“Me?Never.”

Mr. Fell just sighed and shook his head before turning back to the Unsolved crew.“Please do feel free to set up whatever you want,” he said quickly.“Let me know if you need to move things, I’ll do my best to accommodate.Just please be careful with the books.”He clasped his hands in front of himself and smiled welcomingly.

“Got it,” Devon said with a nod, and they began to set up to film.

Shane got his stuff together and then noticed Ryan standing off to the side, looking around nervously as though he expected a book to turn into a demon and eat his face.Shane made his way over and said in a low voice, “You doin’ OK?”

Ryan took a deep breath.“I’m fine,” he said.“I’m just, you know—”He rocked back on his heels, looking up at the ceiling.“I’m not exactly getting… bad vibes from this place?Just weird vibes.”

Shane’s eyebrows went up, but he didn’t comment.“Well,” he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder.“For your sake, I hope we find something, this season is going to be hard enough for the Boogaras as it is.”

Ryan made a face at him.“Fuck off.”

Shane chuckled, and then turned back to the main room of the shop.A little off to the left, Mr. Fell was watching with interest as Mark fiddled with his camera settings.At his side, still leaning against the desk, his friend in the sunglasses was engrossed with something on his phone.

Ryan glanced at Shane, and then headed over to Mr. Fell.Shane hesitated just a second, and then followed him.Mr. Fell looked up as they approached, and smiled.

“Mr. Fell,” Ryan said with a slightly nervous smile, “Sometimes on the show we’ll have a little interview on camera with the owner of the place we’re visiting, would you be interested at all?”

Mr. Fell blinked.“I suppose so,” he said a little uncertainly.“Although I’m not quite sure if I’ll be much help.You seem to know more about this shop’s reputation than I do.”He laughed, but unless it was Shane’s imagination he sounded a little nervous.

Ryan looked surprised.“Really?” he said.

Shane surreptitiously got out his phone and started filming just as Ryan asked, “So you haven’t experienced anything supernatural, working here?”

Mr. Fell shook his head slowly.“No, I… I don’t believe so,” he said.He seemed to be picking his words carefully as he added, “I haven’t seen anything that I think is very out of the ordinary.”

He paused for a moment, and then asked, “Would you mind telling me, actually, what rumors are going around about my shop?”

“Sure,” Ryan said with a nod.“I mean, we’ll go over it in more detail when Shane and I film our intro, but…”He pulled out his phone and opened his script.“There’s a lot of reports of people feeling uneasy while on the premises,” he said, slipping into his Theory Voice.“People have reported feeling the sudden, overwhelming urge to leave as quickly as possible.Others have reported being afraid to touch certain books or venture into certain parts of the shop.Oddly enough, some people have also said that they feel an intense sensation of love or affection while here, which might denote the presence of a kind or benevolent spirit.”

“Oh?” Mr. Fell said faintly.Shane angled his camera just in time to catch Crowley smirk affectionately at the bookshop owner.

Ryan glanced up, and then looked back down at his phone.“There have also been reports of an apparition,” he said, and his voice got a little shakier.“Of a large black snake, seen just out of the corner of witnesses’ eyes, that slithers between the shelves before disappearing.”

Mr. Fell’s eyes widened.“I... I can’t imagine that’s true,” he said, his voice pitched just a little higher.“A— a snake?In here?That’s ridiculous, I simply _cannot_ imagine—”

“That’s my fault,” Crowley broke in, looking up from his phone.

Mr. Fell turned to him in surprise.“My dear, what _are_ you talking about?” he said with an odd weight in his voice.

Crowley tucked his thumbs into the front pockets of his pants and leaned back further against the desk.“I have a pet snake,” he said, his face turned towards Ryan.Shane still couldn’t see his eyes behind his dark glasses.“I bring him around sometimes, guess it scares the customers.”He smiled, sharp.“No ghosts.Flesh and bone.”

Shane had to grin at that.

Mr. Fell gave Crowley a searching look, concern written over every inch of his features, and then almost reluctantly turned back to Ryan and Shane.“I suppose that solves one of your mysteries,” he said.

Ryan looked a little disappointed.“I guess,” he echoed.“Although I wouldn’t rule out ghosts just yet.”He took a deep breath, straightened his spine.“You see, Mr. Fell,” he said.“Every season the big guy and I film, I make the sacrifice to do one episode about demons.And, according to my research, this is going to be the demon episode of the season.”

Mr. Fell’s eyes widened almost comically, and he seemed suddenly very frightened.“I can assure you, young man, that there are no demons here,” he said firmly.Behind him, Crowley barked out a laugh.

“I found a few reports hinting at possible Satanic activity in the past,” Ryan continued doggedly.“Strange apparitions, odd noises, winged figures, even a report of a glowing pentagram.Is it possible that the owners of the shop before you might have been involved in anything like that, Mr. Fell?”

Mr. Fell looked struck dumb for a moment.He blinked several times before he said quickly, “No, absolutely not.This bookshop has been in my possession... that is, my _family’s_ possession… since the 18th century.No Satanism here!”

For some reason, Crowley was absolutely grinning.He sidled up to Mr. Fell’s side and said, “Are you quite sure?No devil worshipping in this shop?Absolutely no declaring your ardent and all-encompassing love for a demon or other such occult being?”

Mr. Fell glared at him.“My dear, that is _quite_ enough,” he said in a low voice.“I’ll make you wait for me in the car.”

Crowley gave him a mock pout.“Oh, angel, but it’s so much more entertaining in here,” he replied.

Mr. Fell huffed and then turned back to Ryan.“I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’ll find any demons here during your investigation.”

Ryan shrugged uneasily.“Either way,” he said.“I brought my holy water.”

Mr. Fell froze.“Holy... water?” he said.

“He brings holy water on our demon investigations just in case any show up to rip our guts out,” Shane explained with a laugh.“One time he even put it in a little water pistol, all the better to get the goat demons with.”

“That was one time,” Ryan said, rolling his eyes.

“Would you mind if I... saw this holy water?” Mr. Fell asked in an odd voice.

Ryan shrugged, and reached down to get his little bottle of holy water from his bag.“That’s all I have with me,” he said regretfully, holding the bottle out to Mr. Fell.“I had more, but I forgot it was in my carryon and had to toss it when we went through airport security.”

Mr. Fell stared at the bottle, but didn’t take it quite yet.“My dear,” he said without taking his eyes off the little vial, “I think you’d best go wait in the car.”

“Right,” Crowley said, taking an enormous step back.He was also staring very intently at the bottle.And then he seemed to realize that he was behaving oddly, and looked away, glancing between Ryan, Shane, and Mr. Fell.“Don’t be long, angel,” he said, taking another step backwards and scratching at the side of his face.“We actually have a dinner reservation this time, wouldn’t do to be more than fashionably late.”With that he hightailed it out of the shop as quickly as was dignified.

“Um,” Ryan said, nonplussed.

Mr. Fell cleared his throat.“Anyway,” he said, and then gently took the little bottle from Ryan’s hand, studying it closely.“Is this really holy water?” he murmured, turning it over in his hands.

“Blessed by a priest,” Ryan confirmed, almost proudly.

Mr. Fell nodded once to himself, and then closed his fingers around the bottle.“I’m very sorry, young man, but I just cannot allow you to have this in my shop,” he said sternly.

Ryan gaped at him.“What?”

“I’m going to keep this,” Mr. Fell added, and very carefully held the holy water up between two fingers.“I will not allow it to remain on my property.”

Ryan frowned, looking ready to fight.“Why not?”

Mr. Fell hesitated.“It might... damage the books,” he said quickly.“I’ll reimburse you if necessary.”

“I’m not going to spill on your books, Mr. Fell,” Ryan said.“But I do need that for protection, in case any demons show up.”

Mr. Fell’s jaw clenched.“I’m afraid not,” he said, and then ducked into a door mostly hidden behind a shelf into a back room.There was an odd noise, like the clicking of a cupboard or the snapping of fingers, and then Mr. Fell returned a moment later without the holy water.

“Terribly sorry, young man,” Mr. Fell said, seeing the fear and dismay on Ryan’s face.“If it’s any solace, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about demons here.”He straightened his bow tie, glanced at Shane.“Is there anything else you or your team need?” he asked.

Shane shook his head, bemused.He was still filming.

Mr. Fell nodded sharply.“I must go, then, Anthony is waiting,” he said.“I’ll come back to lock up the shop when you’re done.”And then, after taking just a moment to tap his foot on the edge of a carpet in the middle of the room and mumble something under his breath, he was gone.

Shane and Ryan made eye contact.“That was super weird!” Shane said cheerfully, and then held up his phone even as he stopped filming.“Got it all on camera, though.”

“Shane,” Ryan said, and his voice was hoarse and shaky, his face a little pale, his eyes wide.“Don’t laugh at me, but I think Mr. Fell might be a demon.”

* * *

Crowley was waiting in his Bentley, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, when Aziraphale got in.

“Good to go?” Crowley asked gruffly, already turning the keys in the ignition.[5]

Aziraphale took a deep breath and smoothed his hands over his pants.“I believe so,” he said a little shakily.

Crowley grunted and threw the car into reverse, backing out of his spot with little regard for the other cars on the road.The drove in silence to the restaurant where they had their reservation, a little sushi place that Aziraphale was unduly fond of, but neither of them got out of the car once Crowley had parked[6] and turned off the engine.

They sat still for a moment, and then Crowley asked in a low voice, “So was it real holy water?”

“It was,” Aziraphale confirmed.“You don’t have to worry, I miracled it into oblivion.And I’m happy to check my shop in case there was any spillage, before you come back.”

Crowley shook his head slightly.“Thanks, angel,” he said.

Aziraphale reached over, took his hand where it was resting with fingers clenched on his knee.“Crowley, we’ve lasted millennia, and survived the apocalypse together,” he said firmly.“I’m not going to allow you to get destroyed because some American is waving around the celestial equivalent of an assault weapon.”

Crowley looked over, saw the earnestness on Aziraphale’s face.He leaned across the car and kissed him gently.

Aziraphale smiled against his lips and kissed him back.When they parted, Crowley was blushing slightly, and Aziraphale cupped his demon’s face in both hands.“Shall we go in and eat?” he suggested softly.“I think we’re late enough to be fashionable but not sinful.Good for both of us.”[7]

Crowley studied him, and then kissed him one last time before nodding.They both got out of the car, Crowley jangling his keys.“Let’s eat,” he agreed with a crooked smile, and gave Aziraphale a _look_ over the tops of his dark glasses.[8]“And then, after dinner, I have a couple of good ideas for what to do that you probably won’t like.”

Aziraphale smiled fondly at him.“Lovely.”

* * *

Ryan was very, very on edge.And quite convinced that he had very narrowly had a brush with death.Probably.No, _definitely_.Non-demon people did _not_ react that way to holy water.

Shane was less than convinced, had made that abundantly clear (more than once), and they bickered about it even as they settled into their seats and got ready to start filming the intro.“I’m telling you, no human person would freak out that much about holy water!” Ryan insisted.

Shane snorted, relaxing in his chair and stretching his legs out.“He looks like a retired English professor,” he said.“I don’t think he’s a demon, Ry.”

“You guys ready to start?” Devon broke in, and Ryan sighed.“Yep, ready to go.”He took a deep, bracing breath, and waited until he saw the recording light blink red on Mark’s camera before starting.“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate A. Z. Fell and Co.’s Bookshop in Soho, London, as part of our ongoing investigation into the question _are ghosts real._ ”

Shane’s little head shake was just as vehement as normal, and Ryan resisted rolling his eyes.“This is also my one sacrifice for the season,” Ryan added.“Along with reports over the years of supernatural activity, there are also plenty of credible accounts of demonic happenings at this bookshop.”

“I don’t think your little conspiracy boards count as credible, Ryan,” Shane said with a shit-eating grin.

Ryan shrugged.“Maybe not to a skeptic, but people know the truth when they see it,” he replied archly, and then smiled at the camera.“Let’s get into it.”

It was surprisingly easy, after that, to fall into the groove of things.Despite his nerves, bantering with Shane was as natural for Ryan as anything, and they managed to film their intro and a lot of the script in more or less record time.After that, it came time for them to film the actual investigation.The bookshop wasn’t a very large space, and Mr. Fell had politely requested that they didn’t go into his apartment on the second floor, but they had brought the spirit box and Ryan had seen Shane stuff a ouija board in his bag just in case they didn’t get enough material for the episode the normal way.

“Alright,” Ryan said, stepping across the room to turn out the lights, leaving only their flashlights and whatever light filtered in through the shades on the windows.“Let’s try to reach out and see if any spirits will respond to us,” he said in a hushed voice, rejoining Shane in the middle of the room.He took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment, and then opened them again.“Is there anyone here with us?” he said quietly.“I hear that sometimes people feel afraid in this bookshop.Or, oppositely, feel deeply loved.Is there anyone here that can make me feel something? Or would like to reach out in another way?”

He and Shane stood in silence for a very long moment, facing each other.Ryan’s eyes darted around the dark bookshop, looking for any trace of movement.A shiver went down his spine, and he whispered, “Did it just get colder in here?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Shane replied.He laced his fingers together and then stretched them, cracking his knuckles.

Ryan shook his head, and rubbed at the goosebumps on his arms.He had the sudden, overwhelming feeling of being watched, but when he glanced around at their crew no one was looking at him.“There might also be a demon here,” Ryan continued in a shaking voice.“If there’s a demonic presence in this bookshop, can you reach out?Say something, move something?God, dude, I fucking _hate_ doing this without my holy water,” he said to Shane.

Shane gave him a vaguely sympathetic smile, but didn’t say anything.The silence stretched out between them, only broken by the muffled sound of cars and people outside the shop and the occasional rustle of clothes when someone moved.

Ryan saw Shane shift out of the corner of his eye, and braced himself so that he wouldn’t jump just before Shane shouted, “HEY GHOST SNAKE!Why don’t you come and slither up my leg!Choke me!Swallow me like a mid-sized goat!”

“Oh my god,” Ryan said, laughing nervously.

Shane gave him a slightly wild grin.“DEMON!” he shouted again.“Come rip out my spine!Bury me in a pile of books, give me a concussion!”

“Dude, you’re gonna die,” Ryan said nervously, taking a big step away from Shane just in case he _did_ get buried by books.

Shane threw his arms wide.“Can’t touch this guy, baby,” he said triumphantly.“Come on, you fucking wimp!”

They waited in silence for a long moment.Nothing moved.“Should we get your spirit boxing over with?” Shane asked, glancing over.

Ryan nodded nervously.“We’ll do the spirit box, and then solo sessions,” he replied, and then dug in his bag to find the spirit box.“Alright,” he said to the air of the bookshop.“I’m going to turn on a device that might help you communicate with us.”

They both winced when it turned on, blaring static until Ryan lowered the volume just slightly.“My name is Ryan,” he said, speaking a little louder to be heard over the static.

“I’m Shane,” Shane added.

“Can you say something?” Ryan asked.“Maybe say our names back to us?Again, that’s Ryan and Shane.”The spirit box continued to blare, switching through channels of static and garbled fragments of music and sound.

 **_SHHCK SCHHCK SCHHK RY A SHAY NUH SCHHK SCHHK SCHHK_ **

Ryan’s eyes widened, and he looked up at Shane.“Did you hear that?” he said.Shane was frowning, but he just shrugged.

 **_SHHCK SHHCK SHHCK FIRE SCHHK SHHCK IHN HEAR HELL FIRE SCHHK SCHHK_ ** __

“Holy shit,” Ryan whispered.“Hell fire, is that what you said?Was there a fire here?”

 **_SCHHK SCHHK EVERYTHING BURNS AT THE END OF DAYS SCHHK SCHHK_ **

“HOLY FUCK!” Ryan shouted, almost dropping the spirit box.He spun to look at Shane.“You can’t possibly say you didn’t hear that.”

Shane met his eyes, and while he didn’t exactly look _scared_ , he looked a little unnerved.“Coincidence,” he said.

Ryan shook his head vehemently.“No fucking way, dude,” he said.“That was a super clear sentence.What the _fuck,_ oh my god, I can’t believe I don’t have my holy water, Jesus fucking Christ—“The spirit box interrupted him.

 **_SCHHK SCHHK THE END OF DAYS HAS ALREADY COME TO PASS SCHHK SCHH-_ **

Ryan turned off the spirit box as quickly as he could, the sudden silence somehow much more terrifying.He was shaking, his heart going a million miles an hour.

“Dude,” he said, looking at Shane with what he was sure was an expression of pure terror on his face.“Fuck this place _so_ hard.”

* * *

Most of the furniture in Crowley’s flat was modern and uncomfortable and looked either old or vaguely like a torture device.His bed was one of the few exceptions.So that was where he and Aziraphale had settled after their leisurely dinner out.[9]

Aziraphale was leaning back against the headboard and Crowley had found a comfortable position with his head resting on his angel’s lap, Aziraphale’s fingers gently combing through his hair.His dark glasses had been abandoned somewhere in the other room, but Crowley’s eyes were closed as he concentrated on the bookshop a few kilometers away, a smirk played at his lips.

“What should I make their little box say next, angel?” he murmured.

Aziraphale absently smoothed over his cowlick and then said fretfully, “Don’t play with them too much, Crowley.I don’t want them to get _too_ frightened.Your bit about the end of days may have already been too much.”

“They’re looking for evidence of demons, and I, a demon, am giving them that evidence,” Crowley grumbled, and then made a face.“Doesn’t matter, they turned their little radio off anyway.”

He opened his eyes, gazing up at Aziraphale.“Oh, don’t make that face at me, angel,” he said, taking note of the open, adoring affection on Aziraphale’s face and knowing _exactly_ what it was about.[10]

“You’re being quite nice, giving those young men evidence of what they’re looking for,” Aziraphale said, his fingers gently brushing over the tattoo on the side of Crowley’s face.“It’s very sweet.”

Crowley sighed deeply, but couldn’t be bothered to get too tetchy about being called _nice._ “I’m encouraging belief in satanic forces.Trust me, it’s very evil,” he mumbled.[11]

“Mm-hm,” Aziraphale murmured.

Crowley closed his eyes again, relaxing slightly.“Would you like a drink, angel?” he asked.“Might have something in the flat, I’d have to look.”

“That sounds delightful,” Aziraphale replied fondly.

Crowley soaked in his touch for one more moment and then heaved himself up and off the bed, wandering into the other room to look for something to drink.

Crowley and Aziraphale were most of the way through a bottle of brandy when Crowley’s cell phone began to buzz in his pocket.“Oh, dear, it’s probably the Americans, I gave them your phone number,” Aziraphale said, closing his eyes and scrunching up his face as he sobered up.

Crowley sighed and did the same before answering the phone.“Yeah?”

“Mr… Uh, Mr. Fell?” one of the Americans (Crowley couldn’t tell which) said uncertainly.

“This is Crowley,” Crowley replied, and then handed the phone over to Aziraphale without flourish and set about cleaning up their glasses and the now mostly full bottle of alcohol.

On the phone, Aziraphale said, “Yes, of course.We’ll be there in just a bit.Yes.Alright.Goodbye.”He hung up and handed Crowley’s phone back.

“Time to go?” Crowley guessed, and Aziraphale nodded.

“If you wouldn’t mind giving me a lift,” he replied, as though Crowley _wouldn’t_ drive him.

“Let’s go,” Crowley said, and then smiled just a little savagely.“I want to see what they thought of their _evidence.”_

The drive back to Soho was relatively quick, and Crowley was in a good enough mood that he actually turned up the Queen blaring out of his speakers.

The Americans were already packed up and waiting outside the bookshop when they pulled up, and Crowley leaned back against the body of his car as he waited for Aziraphale to get out and talk to them.“Thanks again, Mr. Fell,” the shorter one[12] said, and he looked _incredibly_ elated to be done.

“Of course,” Aziraphale replied with a warm smile.“I do hope the episode isn’t too dull, though I can't imagine you found much.”

“Oh, we got plenty,” the short one said darkly, and bit his lip before adding, “You might want to consider getting your shop exorcised, or even just blessed.We got a lot of compelling evidence that there might be a demonic presence somewhere close by.”

Aziraphale reflexively glanced over his shoulder at Crowley, who just smirked.“The shop’s already blessed, when Aziraphale is there,” he said.

The tall American stared intently at him, and Crowley realized with a jolt that he had forgotten to put his tinted glasses back on before leaving his flat.Surreptitiously, he miracled himself a pair and slipped them on.Hopefully it was dark enough that no one had noticed his eyes.No one had screamed, so he was probably good. Bad. Whatever.

The tall American shook his head and then said to Aziraphale, “The episode will probably be up in a couple of weeks, if you give us your email we’ll send you a link.”

“Oh, I don’t have electronic mail,” Aziraphale said, and then glanced over at Crowley again.

Crowley sighed and then rattled off his email address[13] before adding, “I’ll make sure he sees it.”

The tall American gave him a thumbs up, and after a moment Crowley returned the gesture with only a slight touch of irony.

The Americans left quickly after that— the short one especially seemed eager to leave, Crowley noticed with no small measure of devilish delight, but they all seemed worn out after filming. Crowley and Aziraphale stood on the sidewalk and watched them drive away, shoulder to shoulder with the bookshop at their backs.

“You know,” Aziraphale said thoughtfully.“Not that I would ever do it, but I do wonder if an exorcist would even work to keep you out of my shop.”

Crowley winked rakishly[14]at him.“You’re going to have to get more than an exorcist to get rid of me,” he said.

Aziraphale simply smiled in return.“I’m very glad to hear that, my dear,” he replied, and then held out a hand so they could walk together into the bookshop.“Shall we go in and see if they've done any damage?”Crowley smiled back a little dangerously, and took his hand.“There'll be hell to pay if they did." 

* * *

* * *

* * *

1 The Bentley’s music choices had been rather pointed since he and Aziraphale had officially _gotten together_ , and if Crowley had to listen to “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy”, “I Was Born to Love You”, or “Somebody to Love” every blessed time his angel was in the car with him he was _going_ to murder someone.Or at least scare the living heaven out of someone.[return to text]

2 It was moderately effective, in Aziraphale’s view.You know someone for 6,000 years, you get to know their body language well enough to recognize suspicion.Even if their body was more snake than human sometimes.[return to text]

3 Both Heaven and Hell take credit for Buzzfeed, although no one can really remember quite who had precipitated its founding.Heaven believes that the relatively harmless, liberal social justice messaging is a point in their favor.Hell argues that the volume of clickbait more than balances it out.[return to text]

4 It was an instinct for him, at this point, to generate a dozen ways to cause demonic mischief at any opportunity.He didn’t even really mean it.Well, this time, maybe he did.[return to text]

5 The Bentley, sensing the mood, tactfully allowed Crowley’s borrowed Mozart tape to remain Mozart, and even deigned to keep the volume low.[return to text]

6 Legally, but in his defense he was a little shaken still.[return to text]

7 Compromise is the key to a happy relationship, after all, they had been learning that for centuries.[return to text]

8 Aziraphale had learned that when Crowley gave him that particular _look_ , more often than not he would rather enjoy what came after.[return to text]

9 Still fully clothed— Aziraphale didn’t want to be caught unawares when the Americans called to say they were finished in his shop.[return to text]

10 6,000 years.Body language.[return to text]

11 Not having watched the show, Crowley was quite unaware that with each episode a certain subset of the Unsolved audience became more firmly _disbelieving_ in any satanic force.But to tell him that would spoil his fun.[return to text]

12 Crowley couldn’t much be bothered to remember their names.Or so he tried to convince himself.[return to text]

13 Hotmail.Hellmail, Daemononline, and Satan! Express hadn’t ever really taken off, so Crowley had to resort to human means.[return to text]

14 It wasn’t particularly.Despite his appearance, Crowley hadn’t quite mastered the rakish wink.Aziraphale let him think he was very suave, though.[return to text]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, uh.... might have gone a bit overboard with the footnotes? Whoops. Ah, well, I was having a grand old time writing them out anyway.
> 
> (I...... also might have started writing out the script for what a postmortem of this "episode" would be? Maybe I'll post it when I finish)
> 
> Thank you ever so much for reading! If you enjoyed, consider dropping a comment to let me know or sharing the post [here](https://aquieteveningin.tumblr.com/post/186131964712/ghost-of-a-chance-anonymous-good-omens-tv) <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't gotten the chance to reply to them yet, but thanks so much to everyone for their lovely comments! It makes me so happy to see that other people enjoyed the self-indulgent little story I wanted to see in the world :D
> 
> Here's the post mortem for the "episode" that would be about Aziraphale's bookshop! I'm not as funny as Shane and Ryan are, but I did try my best.
> 
> Enjoy <3

[Video title: A. Z. Fell & Co. - Q+A]

Ryan: Hello and welcome to another edition of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the most recent episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, which was A. Z. Fell and Co.’s bookshop.All the questions we’re answering today came from you guys via our Buzzfeed Unsolved Facebook page, our Buzzfeed Unsolved Instagram page, as well as directly on the video on

Together: BUN!

Shane: (Grinning) This was a good ep, Ryan!We got some good stuff.Some real ghoulish stuff.

Ryan: (Rolls his eyes) I know you’re not being serious, but we did see some really compelling evidence here.I think all the Boogaras will agree.

Shane: (Overly incredulous) I’m being completely serious, what are you talking about?We definitely got some stuff!

Ryan: Let’s just get into the questions.

Shane: Allllllright, let’s start out in ‘Gram City, whose population has now far exceeded that of a town.From **@ghoulgal123** : pls come back to london soon we have tons of haunted places! you should visit spaniards inn or the greenwich foot tunnel as well!

Ryan: We always say, we’d love to visit as many haunted places as possible all over the world.

Shane: There’s spooky places all over, and we want to visit all of them.(He smiles, mimes writing in the air)Ryan has a little list on his bulletin board that he crosses off locations— his demonic bucket list!

Ryan: (Shakes his head)That’s not true.OK, from **Elisabetta Turpine** on Facebook: If that Crowley guy said that the snake was his and an actual real animal, why did you still call out for a ghost snake?

Shane: I was kinda just riffin’, you know?Gotta provoke the ghouls if you want to see them, right?And I remembered Ryan saying something about ghost snakes, so it just kind of came out.Didn’t work obviously, but (he winks at the camera) we’ve gotta give it the ol’ ghoul brother try. 

Ryan: In all honesty, some of the accounts of customers seeing a snake in the shop are from as long ago as twenty or thirty years, and I’m not exactly an expert on snake lifespans, but… there being a real snake in the shop _now_ doesn’t mean there couldn’t have been a ghost snake in the past.

Shane: (Shakes his head) You’re really grasping at straws, buddy.Anyway, here’s a question from Youtube. **superdupertired** : I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING I SAW EYES IN THE BACKGROUND AT 13:41 BOYS GHOSTS ARE REAL I’M HANDING IN MY SHANIAC CARD #BOOGARA4LIFENOW

Shane: Good, you can hand it in!The Shaniacs don’t want you anyway! (He gestures dramatically, and almost knocks Ryan’s baseball cap off)

Ryan: (Fiddling with his phone) I actually did not get a chance to look at this before we started, one sec.  
****

(He and Shane both lean over the phone as Ryan scrubs through the video, looking for the correct timestamp.Tinny sound emanates from his phone when he lets the video play; it sounds like Shane taunting the demons.)

Ryan: Aha!Yeah, that does kind of look like eyes in the background, right there! (He points emphatically at the phone)

Shane: (Shrugs, clearly unconvinced) Sure, maybe it’s eyes, but it could also be a million other things.Lens flare?Something outside the window?Fell had weird knick knacks all over the shop, it could be one of those.

Ryan: (Grinning) I’m taking the W.

Shane: You can have your W.All the Ws in the world won’t make ghosts real.

(They glare playfully at each other for a moment, and then Shane refocuses on his phone)

Shane: Alright, here’s another one from Facebook, from **Chelsea Whithers-Grantson** :Why doesn’t Ryan have his holy water? Does he no longer believe in ghosts/demons? #shaniac #isthisitfortheboogaras?

Ryan: (Sighs) No, I still definitely believe in ghosts and demons. We didn’t end up putting it in the episode, but Mr. Fell actually, uh… requested that I not bring holy water into his shop. I guess he was afraid I would spill it on the books?

Shane: (In a stage whisper) Ryan spent the entire night convinced that Mr. Fell was possessed by a demon, since he was so averse to the holy water.

Ryan: Shut up, Shane!

Shane: (Still snickering):We actually got a lot of questions on this one about Mr. Fell and his friend Crowley, despite them only briefly being in the episode.From Instagram, **@gomensownsmenow** : OK but Mr. Fell…. and Crowley….. are they gay??? The homoerotic tension was off the charts guys

Ryan: (Hesitating, glances sideways at Shane) I’m not sure we can say that, officially.They didn’t mention anything to us.

Shane: Unofficially, here’s another question, also from Instagram. **@heydemonsitsyaghoul** says: ok so i live in soho and i’ve been in fell’s bookshop before and never saw anything spooky… did see him snogging in the back room with his partner in the sunnies, though

Ryan: (Clears his throat, and then says in a low voice) We’ll probably have to cut this whole bit out, but for the record, they’d make a cute couple if they’re not already partners.

Shane: (Shrugs) Here’s one more about them before we move on… from **coolguy69420365** on Youtube— (He chuckles) Classy username, pal— from **coolguy69420365** : Are Fell and Crowley Shaniacs or Boogaras?(His eyes widen, and he hits Ryan’s shoulder with one hand in distress) Ryan, we didn’t ask them!

Ryan: I don’t think either of them watch our show, Shane, Mr. Fell hadn’t even heard of Buzzfeed when we first reached out.

Shane: (Turns to the camera, points dramatically) Fell or Crowley, if you’re watching, chime off in the comments! Shaniac or Boogara?

Ryan: (Shakes his head, grinning)OK, this one is from **Chad McMadders** on Facebook: #shaniac lmaooooo the spirit box is so fake who are you trying to fool it didn’t even sound like words stop faking evidence. also shane hotdaga when???

Shane: (Sets his phone down on the table, makes eye contact with the camera.His expression is unusually serious) Listen, I’ve made it pretty clear that I think the spirit box is bullshit, but we don’t fake evidence on this show.

Ryan: (Nods) I know a lot of Shaniacs don’t believe that the spirit box is legitimate proof, and, fine, whatever, believe what you want.But everything we show?That’s what we actually get when we’re on location.

Shane: We cut out some of the boring bits— no one wants to watch a video of us standing in complete silence for ten minutes listening for ghost snakes.But every piece of evidence… or “evidence” (His air quotes are overly dramatic, belying his serious tone) we get is what we actually get.That’s the Buzzfeed Unsolved guarantee.

Ryan: (Smiles slightly at Shane) OK, last question before we wrap this one up.From **@ghostsandghoulsanddemonsohmy** on Instagram: I don’t think ghosts are real, but that spirit box session….. idk, spooky stuff.Maybe demons???

(Ryan and Shane both look at the camera, and shrug in unison)

Together: Maybe demons.

Shane: (Grinning, laughing a little, and setting his phone face down on the table) Heyyyy, Ryan, my friend, what have we got coming up next week?

Ryan: Ooh, another good one. (He rubs his hands together eagerly) This is a good ep, the Shaniacs are gonna have to hold on to their hats. It’s a doozy.

Shane: It’s a real _scream_. (He winks at the camera)

Ryan: That does it for this week’s episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem. Make sure you watch the episode this Friday and then send in your questions to the Buzzfeed Unsolved Facebook page, the Buzzfeed Unsolved Instagram page, or comment directly on the video on (Together) BUN, and maybe you’ll be on the next episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem. 

[750,823 views, 39K likes, 2,962 comments]

**Anthony J. Crowley** (one week ago)

For the record, my partner and I don’t think ghosts are real.Demons, though… ;)

[4.2k likes, view 98 replies]

[Load more comments]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time of writing, none of the usernames mentioned in this fic existed on the platforms they were assigned to, so I apologize if in the future this isn't the case!
> 
> Thank you ever so much for reading! If you enjoyed, consider dropping a comment to let me know or sharing the post [here](https://aquieteveningin.tumblr.com/post/186131964712/ghost-of-a-chance-anonymous-good-omens-tv) <3


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